7 Ways Good Listeners Stand Out: The Secrets of Active Listening

There are a few traits great listeners do that can master to enhance your communication skills and improve your relations.

“I’m probably going to request a sabbatical leave, so I will be able to focus on what I love, writing.”

“That’s amazing. Please tell me more. How long are you planning to request?”

A couple of weeks ago I was talking to one of my friends, Marta.

She’s one of my closest friends. One thing I like about her is that she’s always interested in what I discuss with her. It makes me feel comfortable being in her company.

For instance, in my conversation might have responded something along the phrases: “Oh, that’s amazing. I’m so glad for you. I’ve had a few times requested also a sabbatical.” Then she could have continued to talk about her experiences.

In reality, this is the way most people do it by redirecting conversation back to themselves, and then using your words to begin sharing their experiences.

Marta however, did the exact opposite. She was more focused on what I had to say to her. She was interested in knowing more.

And asked me to give additional information with her.

Great listeners like Marta are rare. Here are seven things that these individuals tend to perform differently, and can be learned to enhance your social skills as well as strengthen your connections.

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1. Good Listeners Forget to Check Their Phone When They’re With You

People like Marta tend to not putting their phone down when they are in the company of someone else — whereas the majority of people tend to do the opposite, which is unfortunate.

I see it often There are couples or groups people together at a table at a restaurant with their phones in hand.

And I can see them completely consumed by their devices and scrolling through the Facebook as well as Instagram feeds instead of having fun with each other.

Unfortunately I’ve also been guilty of this too.

I’ve made the mistake to check my mobile way too often when I’m out with friends when I realize that one of us had put their phone away and began to twitch their thumbsin anticipation of being able to engage in a conversation with us.

I was struck by how attentive listeners such as Marta are, however, in an habit of hiding their phones out of view such as in a separate room or even in their purse.

In reality, they appear to be unaware that they own a cell phone while in the company of someone else.

In the study that was published by Psychology Today, the mere presence of a phone even when it is not being used — simply as an object in the backgroundis a factor that can affectconversations.

If people’s attention is split between what’s in front them, and their mobile interaction with their phone, face-toface interactions are no longer effective.

In contrast, as Jesse Fox Ph.D. explains that the basic routine of putting your device away when you’re around other people lets you focus on them with total focus.

This makes the interaction with your enjoyable and interesting.

2. Good Listeners Show Genuine Curiosity About You

My friend Marta are naturally interested in other people.

They’re genuinely interested in the story you tell which makes you feel confident about yourself and wanting to spend more time with them.

The fact is that — according to this article published by the BBC -“if you can make people feel confident at themselves then they’re likely going to be happy with you.

The best ways to make someone feel confident about yourself is to show genuine passion for them.

In the findings of an study that was published by the magazine The Greater Good, people who are curious tend to be thought of as more interesting and appealing.

They are more likely to connect with an array of people.

According to an investigation carried out by the Jacobs Center for Lifelong Learning and Institutional Development those who are interpersonally curious tend to be better able to interact with others, socially adept and able to form networks of connections that offer assistance in stress-inducing life events.

3. They Make You Feel Important

We tend to recall things that we are passionate about and ignore things that aren’t crucial for us.

As Joseph Burgo Ph.D. says the majority of people tend to be focussed on their own interests, personal preferences as well as their personal demands for attention.

If someone regularly recalls what we have shared with them, we can feel they are truly interested — making us feel more connected to them. We feel like they’ve were listening to us.

Expert in emotional intelligence Harvey Germandorf explained in an article that was published in Fast Company, when you can recall particulars about someone that you know, it makes them feel more important.

They’ll look for new opportunities to connect.

The majority of people want this feeling of being important. And , as Dale Carnegie once said:

The desire to feel of significance is among the main differences between human beings and animals.

4. When It Comes to Eye Contact, Good Listeners Use the 70% Rule

Imagine that you’re talking to someone , and they’re watching their phone every second. Would you believe they’re paying attention to you or is their mind elsewhere? I do not know what you think however, I’d definitely believe they’re not completely with me.

The ability to maintain the eye contact when speaking to the individual you’re speaking to shows that you’re attentive and listening. Since it shows your interest in what they’re saying.

This is exactly the way those like me and my best friend Marta do.

They can make eye contact, but without being too over-exaggerating.

My dear friend Itxy Lopez said eye contact is crucial, but it shouldn’t be maintained throughout the day. Particularly, as per the article posted by the Michigan State University website, an ideal approach is to adhere to the 70 percent rule which is, keeping eye contact for 70 percent of the time.

5. They Don’t Feel the Need to Impress You

One thing I like concerning people such as Marta is that they don’t attempt at impressing you. They prefer to focus on listening, rather than talking about themselves.

People who don’t have a desire to impress you or boast about their accomplishments radiate faith.

Contrary to the majority, they do not have the desire to show something to the world. Instead, they engage in conversation with friends and are in awe when socializing with other people.

In the way that Susan Krauss Whitbourne Ph.D. says that almost everyone wants to be admired at least a bit. However, the most effective method of promoting yourself to other people is to brag in the first place.

Additionally, if people believe you’re trying to be too impressive you, they’ll become disenchanted and you’ll have the exact opposite of the desired effect on other people.

6. They Never Talk Over You

If you are constantly talking to someone or interrupt them, you forfeit the chance to gain knowledge.

As Temma Ehrenfeld writes within an piece written in Psychology Today, certain interruptions are fine. For instance, you might be truly excited about your message you’re talking about, or have a significant detail to add, or have a correction that is particularly important.

However, most of the time it is rude to interrupt someone.

The best listeners are the ones who rarely interrupt.

If they are able to accidentally interrupt you , because they believed that you had completed your words They let you finish your sentence.

They are being attentive until the very end of the message you’re trying to communicate. This leads you to my next part.

7. They Seek First to Understand and Then to Be Understood

Like Stephen Covey mentioned in his masterpiece The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People A good habit to build better interpersonal relationships is to know before trying to comprehend.

People who are great listeners do this. They recognize that listening is important to others with the aim of understanding someone else’s perspective.

Because they are aware of that they are valued, as therapist Leon F Seltzer Ph.D. explains that by making people feel valued, they feel a sense of connection to them.

Listening with the aim of understanding people completely is among the most crucial communication abilities.

But, many people do not learn and apply the knowledge, and unfortunately. Like Covey declared,

The main problem with communication is we don’t listen to comprehend. We are conditioned to listen and then respond.

Understanding is also not thinking about how you’ll respond when someone is talking. The idea could enhance virtually all conversations when used.

Healthy listening habits like putting our phones away, showing genuine curiosity, remembering what others said, making good eye contact, not trying too hard to impress, avoiding talking over people, and listening to understand, have the potential to improve our conversations.

Implementing these practices can be the initial step in developing excellent listening skills, and eventually create positive relationships.